Holy crap. WHY do I suck at blogging so much? I always sit and tell myself "time to go blog, time to go blog....time to go nap....I'll blog later....' then 10 months later I finally get around to it. I'm obviously not cut out for this more than twice a year. So here's my semi annual post. ;) (professional photos credit Jessica Janae Photography. All others-my iphone. ;) )
I figured since baby boy is ONE MONTH OLD TOMORROW (I can't even believe it!) I should write down how his birth day went. I know it's one of those things I'll look back on later and be sad I didn't write down to remember-so here goes. WARNING: This post is about giving birth and will more than likely reference more than one female body part multiple times. Shamelessly.
For the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy I was MISERABLE. I know. Everyone is miserable the last two weeks. You just can't avoid it. But I mean...I was super miserable. Something had happened to (what I thought at the time) my lower back and I could hardly walk. I was gimping up the stairs at our apartment, Jared would have to carry me to and from the car and just walking to and from the bathroom felt like a marathon. Finally when the pain got so bad I could hardly stand anymore-we went in on Monday the 24th to see Dr. Farley. My 'official' due date wasn't until July 3rd, but he had told me from the beginning of my pregnancy that if everything checked out, he would induce me a week early. But if I wasn't ready- he wouldn't do it. After checking me, he told me I not only wasn't dilated at all, I was closed up nice and tight all over. I was devastated. As stupid as that sounds, it's true. I wasn't in control of my body at all anymore, I was in a huge amount of pain and I was so completely hormonal...I thought the world was going to end right there in his office. So, I started to cry. Well, after seeing how miserable (and very pathetic) I was, he called the hospital and scheduled a time for me to go in Tuesday night to start a drug called Cervadil (to start softening my cervix) with the understanding that if this drug didn't work, he would in fact, send me home pregnant until my cervix would open up enough and my body was ready to give birth. Lets just talk about that little drug for a second...
Here's how the nurse explained it to me: "Its like putting an avocado in a brown paper bag over night to get it to soften up and ripen and be ready to use." That's all fine and dandy-until you find out HOW exactly and WHERE that little beauty goes. Wanna know how someone gets behind your cervix? Lets just say it's not pretty. Especially when your nurse is a 50+ year old irish woman with hands of steel and no compassion for us "sensitive" types. How I explained it to Abbie "It's like someone trying to take your tonsils out through your front bum". Yep. After that wonderful, eye watering experience I got to sit and wait overnight and pray that it worked. Jared made camp on the couch and I fell asleep.
At 7 am on the morning of the 26th, I woke up and had the nurse check me. Guess what? I'd finally dilated!...to two centimeters. (hardly at all) I was convinced I was going home. Around 8 am, Dr. Farley came in to check me himself. I had already given up and convinced myself I was going home. Much to my happy surprise, while he was checking me I heard him say to his nurse "get me the hook. I'm going to break her water." As happy as I was at that very moment-that all changed very quickly....two minutes after he broke my water, I started to feel the pain. It started pretty mild (for about two minutes) then got pretty uncomfortable....then painful...then holy crap what's happening to me....then ummm time for the epidural....then get me the epidural NOW....to HOLY F*#K WHERE IS THE ANESTHESIOLOGIST WITH THE F$%^ING EPIDURAL?! (yep. that's pretty much verbatim. Sorry again for the language, mom...) By the time the anesthesiologist got there, I was sitting up on the edge of the bed, hunched over in pain and screaming. Screaming. You see-at 7:30 that morning they had called the anesthesiologist and told him that there was a girl here that wanted an epidural but she was only dilated to a 2 so it was going to be a few hours before she would need anything so to take his time and come over in a little while. Little did anyone know that I would go from a 2 to an 8 in a good 20 minutes after my water broke. So he took his sweet time getting to the hospital until one of the nurses got on the phone (after hearing my foul language in the delivery room) and told him he better get there and fast. That ladies and gentlemen, was by far the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life. I know I don't have a very high pain tolerance. I'll be the first one to admit it. But everyone in the hospital told me I did pretty good considering how fast my body reacted after my water broke. So there. :)
From the time I was probably 12 or 13, I have been terrified of the "epidural". Ladies in my ward growing up would tell me horror stories about the needle and how bad it hurts and how scary it is yada yada... let me tell you something. I know that a lot of people don't like to use medication when delivering for lots of different reasons so they prefer to go natural. As wonderful and as bonding and empowering as I'm pretty positive that is-I don't regret getting the epidural one single bit. And trust me-when you're in that much pain and ready to go-you don't give a flying crap about how big the needle is or if it stings or not. Truth be told, I didn't even feel it. Once I calmed down and the meds started to kick in, I could finally relax, go along for the ride and actually enjoy the moment I was in, instead of focusing on the pain. A nurse came in to check me, realized how far and how fast I had dilated and called Dr. Farley. It was go time!
Dr. Farley came in at 9:25 from an emergency C section and started to get ready. For anyone out there thinking about having a baby or just finding out they're pregnant or planning on having another one-I can't even tell you how beyond happy I am with Dr. Farley. He was amazing. Not only was he so good to me through my entire pregnancy, he came in on birth day smiling, joking, laughing and made sure I was totally relaxed and that Jared was okay. I had my mom, dad, Jared and my great photographer friend Jessica in the room with me for the delivery. At 9:30 after all was set up, prepped and ready to go, I started to push. The only way I could ever think to describe the next 10 minutes would be surreal. You can never know until you're in that moment how new and wonderful it feels. Knowing that in a mater of minutes, all the waiting, body changes and hard work over the last 9 months of your life were about to pay off in the most wonderful gift you could ever imagine. After a 10 minutes and 5 good pushes, I saw him for the first time.
He came out and everyone started to cry...except for him. He didn't make a sound. To be safe, Dr. Farley quickly cleaned out his nose and mouth, handed him to a nurse who checked his temperature (which finally made him squawk, for about 2 seconds) then handed him to me. He was perfect. I know every mother says this, so I'll say it too-I have never seen something or someone more perfect in my short 22 year old life. 6 pounds, 9 ounces, 20 inches long-He didn't cry or fuss at all. He sat there with his hand in his mouth and his big eyes opened wide staring at the whole world. I can honestly say that I have never been happier than in that moment. It really does change you. After all the gore was cleaned up, my brothers and Jared's kids came in from the hallway to meet him. He has been unconditionally loved, fought over, stared at and held from the moment he came out. I don't think he could have asked to come to a more loving and spoiling family.
From that point on, it's been nothing but an adventure. Learning how to be a parent is the most challenging and rewarding thing you could ever do. Every day is a learning experience. It has truly been the craziest, scariest, most loving and most fulfilling 30 days of my entire life. I am so in love I can't even stand it. I would dare say the only person that comes as close to loving him as much as I do is Jared...but then I think about my mom and I bet she's pretty close too. ;) Not sleeping, looking like crap, losing my hair, having NO appetite and being tired as hell...has never felt so good. To me, He is the most beautiful little boy in the world and I just consider myself lucky to get to be his mom. I still can't believe it's been a month. It's gone by SO fast. And as much as I want him to stay this tiny and perfect forever-I can't even wait to watch him grow up and to see his personality grow with him. Born into this world William Rees Morgan, loved now as Samuel Rees Morgan. My perfect little man. :)
